I'm not Alive if I'm lonely.

Sometimes I feel alone even if i'm surrounded by a bunch of people.
Like I could go and take a shower and cry with no worries;
as if the water will company me, that I won't be alone when i cry.
As if every drop is my lover and it would caress carefully every inch of my body.
Even if it's freezing and cold, inside i'll be warm.

Feeling in a box made by white walls.
I could draw my own story around and see how much i've failed.
It wouldn't be much time before I went daydreaming.
Letting the water turn me into a raisin.

How long enough till I won't feel alone?

Holding my pillow while I sleep doesn't help,
turning into a ball and hugging myself either.

Being happy is momentary; but emptyness will always be there to embrace me.

The smell of my perfume inside such a small place asphyxiates me
and brings me flashbacks.
Unpleasent ones,but ones that are hard to forget.

How is it to feel chills at old thoughts?
To get goosebumps at old loves;
and then feel your stomach twirl around because those same feelings turned into hurt.

I'm so messed up inside.
I need approach to know you won't let me fall;
or drown in my own tears.
To know you'll awake me from daydreaming and hold my hand as if it were made to fit into yours, as if they were perfectly sewn together.

It's hard to hold up a smile if my heart feels rather filled with air than with wonderful memories.

Awakening

What if..

You spent your life being upset and not appreciating the beautiful things of it?

That one night you went to sleep,and when you woke up again you were locked inside your body?

That you wouldn't be able to touch,hug,kiss,move,jump,smile; to live.

To see and want things but know you wouldn't be able to get a them.

To feel like speaking but know words wouldn't come out your lips.

To be locked for 30 years.

And that by a "miracle" one day you realized your fingers could move,your lips, your legs, your arms, your head,everything.

You'd want to change everything.

That you fell in love,and that you learned every simple thing if lost would be dreadful.

That everything went back to how it used to be..

But then,after you thought everything was going to be fine,

that you slowly saw yourself locking up,and there was no medicine to fix the disease.

That your life would die again,that you'd be hopeless;waiting to really die; once more.

Now, don't you feel happy to wake up every morning and be able to yawn ?

I'm so sick.

Playful in everyway;
thoughtless in every act.

Say those words you wish to say but not mean.
Did you know you could damage one's heart like this?
We say things we don't feel;
but c'mon,you took it to extremes.

I know how it feels to see the same routine over and over again;
to see no healing in the broken feelings inside;
to see how i turn more cold and sour with time;
to see nothing's changed between whoeveryouare and I.

Oh,what a surprise.
When you find out i won't give a shit about that.
About your life and your problems,
your issues and your sadness.

If you didn't show you cared at first,
why should i show i ever cared in the past and now?
It won't change a thing.
It would just burn the page that was unfinished here.

With an end comes a new begining;
and with a new bigining comes an end.

It's an endless cycle.

I won't let you twist my heart and veins
and bring me into pain;
to bring tears into my face
until they drought away in my bed,
to make a pool in which i wouldn't have strenght
to move forward and fade;
but it's good to say,
i am done for today.

b-Friend.

So..this is what i call a best friend?

The ones that say they won't leave you behind..?

Well,i guess life's wrong and is a bitch.

Because leaving me behind was the first thing in your mind.

Go on and on and talk about your problems;
I won't be near you anymore to help you solve them.
Go on and on and scream at the ones you hate,
furthermore i know i'll be in the list with them.

And this is the way to make me stay?
Make me think my own blood doesn't love me in your way?
Flashbacks are shit
when you compare them to a whole lifetime,babe.

You like playing dirty?
We'll play dirty.

Silence will kill you,and my stillness will hunt you.
Your words will not fill the space you made us create.

I'll see your calls and not answer,
See your IMs and not reply,
Remember your smile and make it a frown.

I just want to know you're sad;
As selfish and heartless as it sounds.
I want to know your " i cared" was meant and not said
because of lies i've got enough from everyone else.

Words are just words until you act them out,
Until you give them life and give them sound.

Our life has a melody,
but i'm tired of having the same song stuck on replay.
Now i'll play and sing along..
but this time it's my own song.

Drops

You promised you'd walk with me under the rain;
that you'd walk along holding my hand.

That the cold wouldn't tear us away
and freeze every small step we'd take.

Because not even the biggest storm could make us apart.

You said you wouldn't leave me behind
that made me giggle and smile.

So on my tiptoes i jumped
above the grass under my toes.

My shoes were left in the trash,
for i didn't need them more in this beautiful land.

I was happy until i saw your frown,
it made me want to tremble and hide.

"Where's your sweetest smile, dear?"
I would ask.
But you just wouldn't reply.

Later,on the grass you sat;
i saw tears filling your eyes.
This made me panic inside,
why's my love sad if i'm by his side?

I held your hand and felt no touch,
i kissed your cheek and blushed,
i grabbed your head and tried to bring it up,
but your body wouldn't react.

I sat on front of you,
speechless as i kissed your forehead,
i saw you holding something between your cold hands.

The necklace you had given me,
wet with warm tears drops mixed with the rain,
was slipping out of your hand,
it was dreadful to see your face in such state.

"Don't you cry,please."
I remember i said.

"I love you" you whisppered as you fell.

And it was until then,
that i realized i was dead.

Because of this nightmare,
i love you more and more everyday.
And i am not scared to let the world know,let me say.
I'll appreciate every moment i have with you,and show you off.
There's no brighter sun,than the one you bring up.

Only being with you,makes the rain warm and soft.
It makes my insides twirl and my blood rush.

Paper Heart

I'll draw my heart on a sheet of paper,throw it out my window and let the wind find its way to you.

My heart forever lost its way,
in the path where the wind blew it away.

I thought it would get to you,
but it went threw hell,
without having a clue.

It made a trip through the deepest of seas;
crossed fire without being seen;
soundless against the seems;
it broke the walls that kept the road unclear.

Days went on and on,
and the paper got more old and old,
the heart's colors faded with time
and the heart broke in half.

Now its went on its way,
to find the half it was meant to hold.

It was already uncolored and tired,
when it gave up and retired,
the paper fell on a bench
where a girl made the other half and pasted them together with tape.

They both flew together away,
flying and flying with no fear and end.
Till the sun turned them to dust in the air,
and memories lost in paper forever they stayed.

Happy Someday

Love's like a paper cut.
You don't notice it until it hurts.
Not until the cut opens up enough to let the blood flow.
Then it takes time for the cut to heal,
sometimes it heals fast,sometimes it heals slowly.

Is it possible to love two people
the same way and at the same time?
To tell them you love them more than anything in the world
while someone else is being said those same words?
It could happen,we're human beings,but sometimes
we should just stop the world and think about what we say
before we make someone fall.

"I can't explain what you can't explain."

Do you know the hole it creates in someone's heart?
The holes a heart has had before?
Then the holes make every good thing in someone's life
hard to remember,because those holes don't heal and they make themselves visible,
they forever stay there, and when we forget,
that's just absense, it doesn't mean we totally forgot what once hurt us,
because when we remember,you still feel something poking you hard inside your guts.

Liking someone and loving is not the same.
Like is when you slightly have a small feeling inside you and it grows little by little till it gets to the point when it turns to love;
Liking and not liking someone is possible.
But after you love someone, you love them forever.

Sometimes you know what's going to happen after you tell a person you love them;
you're scared about what the other person's reaction will be.
But have you noticed everything has an end?
Some things end sooner than others.

"Hands are shaking cold, your hands are mine to hold."

Shit happens.
Some people fuck with you and they just end up being selfish pricks.
They play with you by saying lovely things until they know how serious things are getting.
They get scared and get more and more distant little by little;
until they think you've forgotten them completely.
But no.
You never forget them.
They're in your head all the time.
You wonder what you did wrong,what happened,what wrong move you gave
or what you said, but it's not you. It's them.

I've fucked with your heart.
I owe you an apology.

Now i see myself how it feels.
Now, i am truly sorry.

----
"But all you gotta do is keep it strong.
And even when your hope is gone,
move along." - TAAR

Mister,

You're not as good as i thought you'd be,
you're just another shitty person,i belive.

You. Get. Me. Confused.

I want the world to know how i feel;
How i feel towards you.

How my shyness will breakout just for you.
How i will break barriers for you.
How i'll be strong for you.
How i will have my limits for you.
How i won't hurry you.
How i'll take you easy.
How i could love you.

I will no longer tell you how i feel.
I'll close myself to you,
to see if you care enough to open, seek, and see.

I'll be honest with you;
I no longer know
what i feel for you.
Sometimes,you just get me so confused that i go blank.

You broke the veins that kept the blood rushing to my heart and all over every extent of my body.
Now i'm senseless and useless.
I'm lying. But it really stopped my heart's beating.


Sometimes i'm serious,and you take things as a joke.
Sometimes i remember sweet things you've said, and you don't remember shit.
Sometimes i tell you i love you;
this time you didn't reply.

I shouldn't care much of small things,
but every detail is a perfectioned memory;
and every perfectioned memory is something good to keep for a while,now, isn't it?

Is it okay to want?
To feel the desire of having something?

I want something that's impossible.

Something that you can't have even if you try your hardest wishing.
Something that was taken away from you and you can't get back.
Something that disappeared and no longer exists.

I want what i had.

Everything to be perfect,or at least happy for a while.

Even forever has an end.

I want your surprise calls to brighten my day,
and your presents to forever stay.

I want you back.

To laugh about your stupid and silly jokes.
To be staring at your heartwarming smile
while your perfume runs for miles.

Black,blue,yellow, it is not a rainbow
without the rays of the sun iluminating your footsteps
on the cold, dusty and hard floor.

Don't be surprised.
Make surprises to who less expect it.

Make a memory that makes a giggle,
don't make a frown that brings tears.

Don't regret,
everything happens for a reason.
And if you do regret something,
forgive yourself.

Life's to learn and experiment,
to laugh and cry,
to love and hate,
to like and dislike,
to be different and equals,
to be ourselves.
To live and die.

This is not one of those trips.
You left to stay gone.
You left to disappear.

Forever shall and i will, love you.

Ashamed

I want to get inside your head.

And know all your thoughts.
Your deranged thoughts, your scariest ones,your saddest ones, your sweetest ones, and your dirtiest ones.

I want to know what you spend your day thinking about.

The girl in whose house you woke up this morning?
Or about the bar you went to last night?
The count of the last drink you remember?
or how your eyes got blurry with time?

Maybe..

How the hangover knocked you out when you opened your eyes?
The face of your love as tears ran down from her eyes?
Watching her sunlit smile turn upside down;
Feeling your heart speed up like rocks breaking apart?

Her blue eyes turning dark;
with the fading of its lastest spark.
Thinking about how you were with her and how you lied.
You promised things you never complied.

Now you see how it feels,to be left aside.
Go cry your own river,
she has had enough from your drought.